What Writers Hate About "Writers"

Truths About Writing:

1. Golden Rule: WRITE TO EXPRESS, NOT TO IMPRESS. If you don't know the difference, learn the difference.

2. There are no shortcuts to improving your vocabulary and writing style: using your dictionary and thesaurus just to sound "smarter" is very bad, sloppy, and lazy writing. Read. A lot. That's the best way to develop your writing naturally.

3. Learn to take criticism. You will never develop if you cry whenever someone insults your work. Writing has so much rejection, so many things to improve on, you will never be able to please everyone. There is ALSO a difference between "You suck." and "Your work sucks." If you can't tell the difference, you can't be a writer.

4. If you're writing for the money or fame, you're an idiot.

5. If you're purposely writing in the hopes that people will quote some of the things you say, your writing style will sound disgusting, and you are an idiot.

6. YOUR CHARACTERS ARE ALIVE. Never think otherwise. They are NOT your puppets, you are NOT a god. Your world breathes, and you have to let it run away if it wants to. If you don't give your writing freedom, it will remain a cardboard cutout. No matter how pretty it is, no matter how good the quality of the cardboard is, if you don't let it live, it will always be cardboard.

7. There actually ARE words you shouldn't use in your writing, because they really do ruin the mood. Like "zestful". Unless you are mocking anything, please do not use words like "zestful" in your prose, and ESPECIALLY not in your poetry. Also, if you say "she smiled with glee" instead of "she smiled", it makes it sound worse, because now we're imagining a very creepy, wide grin instead a natural, happy smile.

8. Speaking of poetry, rhyme WELL. Do not rhyme like you're trying to make a poem for preschoolers unless you want it to sound like that. "The mouse went up the clock, and it went tick-tock" or "That girl so fair, I love her hair!" is more common a disease than you might think. Be careful you're not doing it.

9. ["Never say 'John stopped long enough to perform an act of excretion' when you mean 'John stopped long enough to take a shit.'" -Stephen King.] When you do that, you don't sound more poetic, or intelligent. You sound like a douchebag.

10. If you think that adding dozens upon dozens of adjectives and adverbs in your writing and describing every tiny detail makes you sound better: learn about purple prose, you noob.