Hawwo~

Hi! I'm the cause of your salvation from boredom. *floats* No seriously, because of me she FINALLY moved stuff from her DA to her blog. Who am I? I'm the anti-terrorist teddy. A good friend of hers, if I do say so myself. C: Anyway! GO READ HER NEW STUFF. Or look at the OTHER things she posted on her DA. (She thinks they suck,that's why she doesn't want to show them to you guys, but they don't. XD) Or comment on something! DO SOMETHING! Carpe diem! SEIZE THE DAY!

From

~The Anti-Terrorist Teddy~

Human

Author's Note: I'm...honestly not sure about this one. This is pretty old, somehow. I drafted out a weird little flow of ideas during one CL class, and wasn't able to write it properly for several weeks because I've either been too busy or too tired or too lazy. And I didn't post it for 3 days after writing it because I was honestly scared about what the quality of this really is. I feel like I've been trying to do morbid stuff lately, and I'm just worried I only seem like I'm forcing the mood. But I just really want to try branching out into that genre, if only slightly. Sorry for any typos, or what not. Sort of a random little descriptive piece. Semi-inspired by A Study in Emerald, by Neil Gaiman.
///
All of them were laid out in front of him, on the table. They were his tools, his own equivalent of an artist's paintbrushes.

The needles, scalpels, and tweezers were laid across the table, disorganized. They were obviously just recently used. He took a step back to admire the beauty of his work. He liked to believe he was an artist at what he did.

His hand hovered over a bottle of anesthesia that stood neatly by the corner of a tray, and he looked at it with disdain. He never did like using it. It was nothing more than a burden. He didn't need it. He liked his patients in the most human state. They should feel every relishing moment of pain.

Sometimes he used glue. He liked the way it was so neat. The tiny little globs would look so snug, sealing whatever needed to be sealed, but what he liked the most was that it was temporary. Eventually it would melt away and fall. And after all, wasn't that always the fate of every god damn thing in this world?

However, for this little creation, he used the classic of a surgeon; one of his needles, and a bunch of thread. He liked using different colors for different occasions. White got stained, especially near those open wounds, and the blood would get absorbed in its material. It would always get dirty and stained, and that was what he considered to be a realistic embellishment to his masterpiece of human pain.

Black, on the other hand, was a distortion. He liked how it stood out, against the delicate softness of vulnerable human flesh. It was like a distorted scar, permanently tainting what might otherwise be perfect.

Perfection didn't exist. Humans who strived to be perfect were fools, in his opinion.

His creation was near the table, standing near the area it was created in the first place. It writhed in agony and discomfort.

Its hair was in patches from the areas he had opened its skull and dug thin spikes into the thin membrane that was left protecting its brain. He was particularly proud of a small, physically unnoticeable touch-a few microchips in its brain, which heightened its receptors for pain.

He loved how his art was so delicate.

It was a creature that always looked up. Its chin was pointed straight ahead, perfectly parallel to its body. He had added a thin sheet of metal plating to the back of its neck, and infused the first few discs of the spinal cord. His human statue would never look down-it was far too beautiful for that. It would look up at the world with pride-whether it wanted to or not.

Behind its lips, which looked pale and stretched from its plumping, its teeth were perfect. The problem was that it was too perfect, and he didn't want them to continue hitting against each other. That would mean their inevitable destruction over time. He had carefully run his needle through its mouth. Fine, straight black lines of thread lined its pink gums, with the stitches going across the soft tissue. The other stitches were ones that formed "x" patterns across the pristine white teeth. This picture of perfection didn't need to speak.

He lifted up one of its hands. He had opened up each finger's skin at the sides and sewn the edges together. He always did love the theme of unity, of oneness. If all humans had hands with no separate fingers, they would need each other more. Maybe even kill each other less.

He liked it when his art spoke such great messages, without needing words.

The sculpture flinched at the slightest bit of pressure on it. He had taken careful measures to skin it-leaving only a thin layer left to cover everything. Almost literally, it had paper-thin skin. It was so weak, tore at the slightest pressure, and it was so limiting. All receptors of touch were almost ridiculously close to the surface, and since pain was enhanced in its own brain; even a breeze would send this creature into torture.

It stood tall-its feet had spiked heels. He was satisfied with the way the craftsmanship turned out. The spike was 6 inches, made of stainless steel, and was welded into the bone of her foot's real heel. This magnificent creature would stand tall, on permanent heels, adorned on its own pedestal. He had done the same thing with its toes as he had with its fingers, and it was shaped into a perfect point. It almost looked like a natural shape.

Difficult (actually, impossible), to walk, but art didn't need to walk.

Eyes stared at him, wide and pleading. It wasn't blinking. He had always found blinking annoying, it always caused temporary moments of blindness. A single moment that one misses could change everything; and his art was going to show how idiotic all society is being for taking things for granted.

Removing its eyelids had been a tricky task, but he had taken the most careful measures to coat its eyes with a thin, clear film to keep them as clean as possible. They were, however, eternally filling up with tears.

Ah, yes. Tears. So human. So weak. So heartbreakingly beautiful.

An image of humanity's mortality and weakness was here in front of him, reflected in a creature that was only bordering on human. The only proof left of its humanity was the utter misery, despair, and loathing of its artist that was reflected in its eyes. That look, and of course; its response to its former name-Arie.

It was his finest work.

His daughter was simply breathtaking.

1,2

There were always two sides to you.
One that made me laugh,
talked to me about anything.
The one with sapphire eyes,
and the effortless smirk.
The trademark crooked grin
and tilted head
when I made a mistake.

The one who had that intense look
when asked a deep question.
And your voice would go deeper
and you'd talk a little slower.
And I could just listen in awe
at your profound answers.

But you couldn't even graph
x+1=y

The one whose eyes scrunched up.
Before being woken up from a nap.
Whose hair was in eternal spikes
as if you just rolled out of bed.
///
There were always two sides to you.
The one with the firm jaw
and the cold gaze.
When something didn't go your way.
The one that went into fits of rage.
Slow to back down
in screaming, heated arguments.

The one who was way too proud
of having toned muscles,
and Chemistry awards.
Of having girls obsessed with him.
The one who took out failures on me.
Who asked why you couldn't do it.
And I never knew what to say.

But afterwards
you'd always tell me
I didn't have to know.
///
There were always two sides to you.
The one that acted so immature.
Almost always,
like a little boy lost
in a whole new place.
Where his parents took him to.

Who always asked too much of himself.
And hated when one thing went wrong.
Who cried for the first time
when his friend
found she had cancer.
But he never looked down
and tried to tell her she might not make it.

The one whose fire inside
never died out.
Quick to anger, quick to subside.
Passionate and warm,
in huge bright infernos.
Brilliant and mesmerizing,
born to stand out.

Who was a hypocrite but told me.
To never push myself too hard.
Because no matter what, he knew.
That I would never be a failure.
Despite what my mom always said.
///
There were always two sides to you.
The one who sometimes said
the most illogical things.
Was too blunt for his own good,
and was too sarcastic
to always get along with.

The one who choked on water
way too many times.
And would forget important dates.
Or sleep in for too long.
Who was addicted to coffee,
And who spent too much on gifts.

The one who was too proud,
and could be really shallow.
Who people said was a lot like me.
But I would hate admitting it.

You were the one
whose flaws reminded me
that I've found someone real.

///

It was a rollercoaster ride,
the ups and downs I rode along.
While you stole my breath
in more ways than one.
And you were far from perfect.
But that wasn't what I wanted.

Because the laughs and tears
and screams and thoughts.
Made me live again.
Like I never thought I could.

And knowing you're at home
up in those white clouds.
Can somehow make these days.
Almost easier to stand.

Romcath

Author's Note: Erm. I hope I don't get flamed for this. But oh well. I was bored in Music class~ I don't really like it, but I dunno. I just started writing it. It came out. I dunno. o_O It's abridged, there are some stuff I really needed to edit, otherwise I might get a really bad reputation here. So yeah~ Not a direct insult to religion in itself, I'll have you people know, before some of you might go and lecture me. (MEH.) It's actually a criticism of how our society works. Just saying.

I wanted to try to make it non-rhyming. It's really hard. :\
///
They stare at you
with piercing eyes.
Sharp as their swords.
As they speak of their one.

They tell you he forgives.
But condemn you to fire.
For any question you may raise.
And any different thought you have.

Everything is evil,
the world is full of wrong.
We should grovel for being human.
Worship at the feet

of their one who contradicts
all his followers teach
and yet no one questions
but no one really believes.

You can see it in their actions
in their pitiful human deeds.
They shoot down your intelligence
if it challenges anything.

Nevermind that he made you that,
gave you wisdom to think.
To make your own decisions,
to know difference is not a sin.

We were all given free will.
But they say we have to give it up.
Offer everything to their one.
Because he needs us to believe.

And as they speak of miracles
you wonder why they only happen
at random days to random people.
And not always to those who believe.
And need.

But still you'll go there and kneel.
And before and after every meal and day.
You have to wonder why he truly needs
millions to kiss his feet.

Before we all are saved.

And lastly still they say
you will have wronged.
For something that you chose to do.
Even if you hurt no one.

Because we all must think the same.

Unreal

Author's Note: Random poem I wrote in Filipino class. Inspired by nothing, and not personal. =)) Just a note guys, almost none of the shit I write are personal. =)) Quit asking, it gets annoying.
///
People tell us we're perfect
and they just don't know
that if it were only that easy.
Then I would let you go.

I'm trying to ignore
the pain everyday
but it gets harder and harder.
And I still try to push it away.

Faking smiles and laughter,
telling you I'm just fine.
And again you never noticed
that tears came with that smile.

Screaming away the rage at night,
and calling out your name.
But no matter what I do,
it's always, always the same.

But I'll act like I don't know
about everything you do.
I'll pretend she's not real
and that you still love me too.

This Time

Standing by the swing set
we spent hours on.
Today you're leaving.
Tomorrow you'll be gone.

Yesterday you said,
with a cold look in your eyes.
You told me you were leaving.
And said one last goodbye.

It caught me off guard,
and I choked on
what I tried to say.
Stumbled on words and tears.
While you quickly walked away.

There's a pen in my hand,
and I'm trying to find
a way to write down
The perfect words
that I need right now.

I don't know what's wrong.
And I really need help.
Because nothing sounds right.
And I throw it all away again.

And I look up at the sky,
And shouted out to try to ask.
For a way for me to do this.
To write it or to say it.
The most brilliant words.
That you'll just fall in love with.

You're ready to leave,
and you're not even turning back.
I try to run up to chase you.
But when you turned around,
I lost the words in my head.
I forgot every single one.

And as you walk away
with no regrets.
I'm left here asking myself why.
I couldn't even get it right.
Not this time.

Snapshots of Summer

Couldn't hold back laughter
as we tripped in public,
Then we looked back,
and we saw and laughed.
That we stumbled over nothing.

Got lost too many times.
And refused to look at maps.
Asked directions from a guard.
Who refused to answer us.

Flipped her the finger
when she wasn't looking.
And then walked away.
She wasn't worth remembering.

Said a lot of stupid things.
And we eat far too slow.
And what happened to that dying guy?
I guess we'll never know.

And I came home with no money.
Because you made me spend a lot.
But I felt completely happy.
Because you're the best friend I've got.
~
2 sleepovers this summer,
and both we tried to stay awake.
And then we fell asleep and learned
we overslept, the very next day.

Watched our favorite series
for hours and hours on end.
Laughed until our stomachs hurt.
At a lot of things
the characters said.

Played games and we kept losing.
And we screamed when we did.
Then we cheated at Rush Hour.
Because we thought;
"Aw, to hell with it."

Made fun of all the people.
That don't matter at all.
"He misses me," you said.
And I guess he didn't have a clue.
That status message was for him
coming directly from you.

Squealing and sighing while watching,
and wishing guys like that existed.
Laughing at ourselves afterwards.
But saying; "hey, it could happen!"

And drinking too much coke
and wanting "that half of the donut!"
Those small bits and pieces.
Were what made all the difference.
~~~
Stopped over at your house,
And played a lot of games.
Laughing at the stupid fails,
and making fun of the Sims.

Ordered food and they thought
that you were a guy,
and you sighed and played along.
It was the same girl as last time,
and my God, she's still wrong.

Climbing up and down the stairs,
and making fun of that friend
that tripped down these.
And ending up tired
when we reached the end.

And trying to reach over
to get to the soles of your feet.
You screamed way too loud.
And wouldn't dare let me.

That late birthday present
was one of the best I received.
You probably have no idea.
How happy it made me.
~~~
This summer, I guess.
I loved the way
we talked all night.
Spent so many hours.
We talked about our lives.
We watched the night pull away.
Talked until it turned to day.

That night you got so scared.
By the sound at your door.
"It's probably a murderer"
But it was only your dog.

I laughed really hard,
but I guess I never told you.
That little did you know.
I was scared for you too.

Snuck around to stay up late.
Despite all my complaints.
To make sure I never got lonely.
And I wonder if you know.
How much that means to me.

Said so many random things
and hit you way too many times.
And thank you for letting me know
that I helped change your life.

~~~~~~

The snapshots of summer
play back in my mind.
I knew it would be great.
Now if only I could just
give this summer
a bit more time.

As the sunshine gets replaced
with droplets of rain.
Is it wrong for me to hate
that for now things
aren't going to be the same?

Butterfly Wings

He slowly crawled along
the weak tree branch.
Happy in his days.
Eating all these leaves.

The days passed by,
and in time he grew bored.
Because somehow he thought.
"There must be something more!"

He saw another one like him,
but it was gone short enough.
In a hard shell, and he wondered
if it was still alive.

And somehow he felt.
That maybe this was what
he wanted all this time.
Something new to do,
To try with this life.

So he hung upside down,
and the world looked different.
And soon it grew dark.
He stood there in fear
As his eyes slowly closed.

And before he knew it,
he woke up again.
The light was blinding,
he felt different.
And the air brushed against
what he now had.

He lifted himself up in the sky.
Felt the wind against his wings.
Against his face.
So this is what it was like.
To learn how to fly.

His colors brushed
against white clouds.
Against their blue background.
He felt the warmth
of the sunlight on his back.

He rested against a flower,
and breathed in his new life.
It was better than way back.
And he knew he was glad
That he decided to try.
///
She ran along the grassy fields.
Blowing bubbles as she did.
And she fell on a bed of flowers.
Spilling all the contents
of her bottle of soap.

Hair was brushed away,
and she saw bright greens and blues.
On the wings of a butterfly.
Against the pinks and purples.
Of the flower it was on.
And before she knew it
she reached out a hand to get it.

But suddenly she was kicked down.
By her brother who always seemed
to laugh at all the things she liked.
As he pulled away that butterfly.

He took it away, smiling the whole time.
As he kept it in a jar,
denying its right to fly.
And his laughter echoed in its ears.
As it watched the world around him
as it slowly died.

He kept it on a wall.
To preserve its pretty wings.
Its beauty was a curse.
It only got to fly once.
Looks like it wasn't a better life.
That poor, poor butterfly.

With Me

Your memories linger here,
and thoughts of you won't leave.
I just can't shake this feeling.
That you're meant to be with me.

I know I made my mistakes,
but why can't you understand?
I'm trying to explain,
I'm doing the best I can.

So I guess what you're saying
is that's too late now.
And I missed my shot,
But can't I get another one somehow?

And can you honestly promise me
he'd make you feel the same way?
Make you laugh when you're about to cry.
Tell you you're beautiful everyday?

Will he understand you,
despite all the flaws you have?
Love you more because of them,
Can you at least promise me that?

So stop telling me it's unfair
that I still want you with me.
Because I know deep inside,
I'm the one who can make you happy.

Two Truths

Once again, after another
set of tears and pointless screams.
You hold me in your arms.
Like everything's alright.
You tell me that you're sorry.
And at long last.
We're not fighting tonight.

Your lips meet mine
and it's hard to breathe again.
It's easy to forgive you
when I forget the rest of the world.
And for tonight, I guess.
I'll believe everything you say.
That I'll always be
your number one girl.

You're smiling and I guess
I wish this'll last forever.
These moments you remind me
why I put up with all you do.
Even when everyone tells me
that I deserve better than you.

Tonight, everything's fine.
As I stand here surrounded
by your arms, and I feel safe.
Like no one can hurt me
with you by my side.
But you probably know
how easy it is to hurt me.
With a few simple lies.

I give you another chance.
And I know despite what I say
that this isn't the last.
You promise me you'll try harder
This time it'll work.
And we laugh at how stupid we were
when we were fighting yesterday.
And hey, maybe it's true.
We'll finally be okay.

But then the next day,
it happens all again.
Tonight we're screaming
and fighting. And once again,
I'm just cursing your name.
I wish you the best.
With the rest of your life.

I promise you that
I never want to see you.
And through all the shouting
You say you hate me too.
And I can tell you're running to her.
Breaking my heart even more.
But then you come back
Apologizing even more than before.

And I know deep down that maybe
I'll always forgive you.
Have this weak spot
no matter what it is you do.
Because despite what they say
I know the only truth you tell
is when you tell me you love me.
And when you tell me that you're sorry.

And tonight I'll pretend
like you didn't hurt me again.
And again, I'll believe it.
And you'll be fully forgiven.
I love you too much
maybe for my own good.
And I can never stay angry.
Just because of your only two truths.

Plastic Figures

I just got back from watching Toy Story 3. I know, that it’s already been reviewed and praised so many times that this review is useless, but I don’t know. I just feel like this movie deserves all that praise. It’s got all I could want in a movie-humor, adventure, excitement, action, even a little bit of romance(gonna keep quiet about this, but I would think the pairing is obvious), and…one of the most bittersweet, heartbreaking, but still strangely satisfying endings I’ve ever seen.

It’s pointless to watch this movie without watching the first 2, that bit should be obvious. You would get it and be able to follow it, I guess…but it won’t have the same emotional depth. There’s also the fact that some of the jokes are only funny if you know where they came from. Moving on, this isn’t really a review. I just felt like I wanted to have a little reflection on the movie.

Beyond all the adventure, the fact that the toys are breaking out of a “prison”, and beyond the laughs, the entire movie actually revolves around the sad reality that we, as people, can’t avoid growing up. We won’t be young forever, and eventually we’ll have to realize that in at least one point of our lives, we’re going to have no choice but to force ourselves to be strong and leave behind a huge part of us.

It’s unavoidable, sad, and most of us don’t even want to come close to believing or admitting it. The thing is; I believe that sometimes, we actually do have a choice in the matter. Obviously, when we grow up, we start getting more and more responsibility thrown at us. We’re forced to make decisions where both choices end with sucky results. However, the thing that I found really sad about the end of this movie was Andy’s decision.

We won’t be a kid forever, fine. Even if we could travel back in time or something and try to relive it all again, it’s not going to be the same. Even our perception of the way time is passing by changes. When we were a kid, an hour felt like forever. Now a year flashes by without us realizing it. It’s unfair, it’s annoying, and I guess that was the charm of another Disney movie, Peter Pan. It showed the possibility of being a kid forever.

But in all honesty, we don’t need Neverland, because we don’t have to stop being a kid. Ever. Not once.

Some people choose to let it all go. Move on, and just keep and cherish the memories for years to come. They tell themselves that since they’re all grown up, there’s no more time for games. They can’t sit around playing with their old toys and be young. Well, guess what? Screw the stereotypes of society. It’s only when you’re a kid can you realize that you can have fun, be as creative as you want without giving a shit because YOU know you’re being awesome, and have that curiosity to know what goes on with the world. Kids are smarter than adults give them credit for, I’m sure we all know that. There will always be that moment where you realize that sometimes, kids know a lot more about life than we do. The only problem is that they forget what they know. They become afraid. They forget that wisdom and creativity and ability to have as much fun as you want.

Maturity doesn’t mean you have to stop being a kid. It doesn’t mean you have to be ashamed that you still play with toys or that you still enjoy playing those games where you pretend to be pirates or warriors or whatever. We could all use a little bit of child-like thinking. Kids have always found a way to imagine and make boring things fun again. They’re the ones that forget about a fight a day after. They’re the ones who try to keep things as simple as possible. They find so much joy in the simplest of things, like a new crayon or half a cookie.

Being mature doesn’t mean becoming old. It just means you know when the right time is to be an adult, and when you have the right to be a kid again.

It means being able to say that you’re proud of your childhood, because you wouldn’t be who you are now without it. And most of all, it’s not being afraid to continue that childhood; to continue learning, and to continue finding ways to make something as simple a plastic figure into something great.
///
Author's Note: I'm not entirely sure, I just felt like writing this. XD Yes, fine. My insights are bleargh, but I don't feel good right now. =)) I needed to practice writing stuff that are like essays again, since school's started. >_>

I keep forgetting to import my dA entries into this blog. Gah.

Anyway. That is all.

Summer

It's currently 2:33 AM right now. Strangely enough, Nickelodeon is being a retard on me. It froze for the second time today, and showing commercials that I haven't seen in more than 3 years. Worse, the commercials are looping. This happened a while ago, too.

What the hell is happening? I'm confused.

Oh well.

This summer has been...pretty good, actually. I'm not sure which summer is best.

2008 where... Well. It started VERY good. Then erm. The whole Kelly incident happened...Meh. At least 3 people know what I'm talking about. XD

"She means nothing to me, you idiot. Yes, fine. She has blonde hair and blue eyes. But come on. You wouldn't even look good with blonde hair and blue eyes, oh God no. You look adorable enough the way you are. And guess what? I like it that way."

...:) Ah, memories.

2009...that was a pretty good summer, too. XD

2010. Hmm. I guess this summer was the fastest. Could've been better, I suppose but I guess there's not much for me to complain about. It was great. :)

...And maybe I really am ready to let go. The daydream I get every now and then of him coming back usually ends with a slap more than a hug now. O_O =))))) Anyway. I'm not making sense. 8D

I'll make a more meaningful end-of-summer-blog soon. Not now.

Nickelodeon fixed itself. XD

Though it started in the middle of the As Told by Ginger episode. :|

Oh well.

Anyway.

I haven't blogged in a while. XD

Sorry for the bad quality and lazy writing. I'm not in the right state of mind to make nice narrative.

That is all~

-SeMi

Parted

Author's Note: Needed something for the "Break the Love Cliche" contest that was more...I dunno. Not cliche? =)) I'm not even sure if this counts as love. o_O oh well~

Inspired by...nothing really. I don't know, this just...came out. My muse is weird.
///
I guess I always wished that
today would never come.
Right now, I know it's time
for this to come undone.
You're waiting for an answer,
and now I'm lost for words.
What am I supposed to say?
When I'd hate to see you hurt.

And I just wish there was a way
for me not to hurt you.
Because I know that the truth
is you're driving me crazy.
And I've fallen for you too.
And I guess I must be stupid
to say I don't want this to be.
And I just don't get it.
How are you doing this to me?

I always thought I knew
what kind of guy I'd fall for.
But here you came,
with your careless grin
And suddenly
it didn't matter anymore.

You don't have a perfect smile,
And you don't always know
what exactly to say.
But I guess despite that
you made me fall anyway.

I'm sorry that I use my head
whenever I fall in love.
Because I guess to me
you aren't good enough.
I'm sorry you fell
for me, the wrong girl.
But I hope you know
that a part of me
wants to be your world.

Last Shot

Author's Note: Inspired by Vegas Skies, by The Cab.
///
So I guess that this is the first and last time,
I'll ever see you again.
And I know that I'm forgetting to say
all that I think of you,
but maybe in time, I'll get lucky,
and I'll get another shot.
But right now, I'm afraid,
I'll just blow it again
and you'll never know
How hard it was to let you go.

Your hand in mine,
was the best moment of my life.
One day was all I had,
but I know I'd wanna turn back.
I wanna do it all again,
have you by my side,
and never have this end.

And tonight was my last shot,
to give it all I've got.
Just to tell you 3 words,
but I guess I'll just hold it in
Keep it to myself until it just hurts.
And you'll walk away,
with nothing to say.

I was given one chance,
but I guessed I fucked up.
Because when I looked at you,
I choked on all the things
That I knew I had to say.
And you'll leave me here,
wishing you'll come back.
And maybe you will.
But I'll have to wait for that.

Want

Author's Note: I'm not sure if I do the point of view of a guy very well. =)) But either way. You can also interpret this in another way, but...*shrug* Not related to real life. =))

Inspired by Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon
///
I don't understand you.
You tell me I'm a friend.
But you come crying back to me.
After every single end.

He treated you like dirt,
just like every guy before.
You haven't found the right one,
why don't you go search some more?

They don't know anything about you,
You know they're not what you want.
So why the hell do you keep running.
I've been here from the start.

I make you laugh and listen to you.
Apparently it means nothing.
Because you just go ahead.
And ignore my everything.

You tell me everything you want
For the guy of your dreams.
I'm going to be honest.
I'm almost every one of those things.

I cheer you up when you need it most.
I'm there for you every single time.
The thing I just don't understand...
Is why it seems you're still not mine.

And I guess it's like you say.
I mean nothing to you.
Even when I try so hard.
And I do everything you want me to.

And you can't tell me what's wrong,
You just don't feel the same way.
You won't stop to think about it.
No matter what I try to say.

I know I'm everything you want.
So I just don't understand
Because you refuse to tell me.
Why I don't deserve to hold your hand.

Proud

Author's Note: This is one of my absolute favorites out of the things I wrote. :) It was written during that poetry project thing that I never continued, but when I looked at the folder thing again, some of them weren't so bad after all. :)

Inspired by Perfect by Simple Plan.
///
I can see the pain in your eyes.
As you smile and tell me lies.
It's okay, you say. There's always next time.
But I know that nothing's alright.

I just wanted to make you proud,
but I guess I failed again.
You sigh as you wonder
How I made it 'til the end.

I'm sorry I wasn't good enough.
And that I'll never make you proud.
I'm sorry that I messed up this time.
I'm going to try harder now.

But you tell me it's all worthless.
You tell me I'm a joke.
You tell me all these things.
And my tears cause me to choke.

I know I'm not perfect,
and in your eyes I'll never be.
I guess it's impossible
That you'll ever be proud of me.

Only One

This beach reminds me of you.
Each little thing you used to do.
My feet sink into the sand,
Hey, maybe this isn't all bad.

After all, who needs love?
I've got myself. Why isn't that enough?
It's a beautiful day,
why won't you just let me be?
You're gone, and you still do this to me.

I guess I missed out,
on the most obvious truth.
Because I was never able
to reach out to you.

You made me happy,
you always made me laugh.
But hey, I guess...
Losing you isn't all that bad.

The most amazing boy,
you were in front of my eyes.
I guess I always just denied it,
hid my feelings underneath
all these ridiculous lies.

I'm just lying here,
and listening to the waves.
Right now I find myself
opening my mouth
and calling your name.

Could it be that I regret it?
Never saying a single word.
Could it be that I can't forgive myself?
For causing you and me so much hurt.

You were the best among them all,
and I guess I never saw.
Because now you're over me,
And I'm the last to fall.

I don't know what to think,
but all I know is this.
Out of all the ones I've hurt,
You're the only one I miss.

Never Coming Back

I stuck up for you,
against my own best friend.
I told her she was wrong.
I stuck with you 'til the end.

I never believed them,
no matter what they said.
But now I'm left here,
and hating all this pain.

You knew from the start,
about what I would do.
And I guess that's just it.
It's all about you.

I thought you were the one,
I listened to every lie you told.
I hate that I believed each one,
How the hell can you be this cold?

There's laughter in your eyes,
and I can't find the words.
To express all this anger,
and all this unbearable hurt.

I can't believe I was this stupid,
that I put up with all this.
Why did I ever think you were worth,
Any eyelash wish?

But now the truth's out,
and I can see you're coming down.
It's my turn to laugh,
And you can't do anything now.

She wasn't worth your time,
and I'm sure you know that.
I can see it in your eyes
Because I'm never coming back.

Forget

I guess what sets you apart,
is that you can sit beside me.
say absolutely nothing,
and make me the happiest
that I could ever be.

We're sitting here,
on your front porch.
Too tired from today,
to get past your front door.
We don't say a word,
and just watch all the stars.
Without a single sound,
you're holding my heart.

I never want to leave
this place by your side.
But somehow I know,
I'll have to some time.
That night was amazing,
and you know it too.
So why was it, I had the nerve
to ever leave you?

Sometimes I wish,
that I could come back.
That I could see you again,
but it's not as simple as that.
I never wanted
to leave you behind.
But I guess I was forced to,
and so now you're not mine.

I'll never forget that way you had.
Of making silence comforting.
The way you had of telling me
all the words you did,
without ever opening your mouth.
I'll never forget the day,
you held me in your arms,
and the world felt perfect
with you giving me that warmth.

Words

I can't put to words
how I feel right now
the emotion builds up
until it just hurts.

Words can't explain
the way you look tonight.
Holding it back is hard,
but I guess you're worth the pain.

What can I say to you,
to make this moment last.
Because we both know,
there's no way to test the truth.

You brought meaning
to my dull life.
You never even knew,
that you could mean everything.

I want to give back
everything you've done.
But I know that words
have so much that they lack.

Self-Written

Author's Note: Unfortunately, my 4-Poems-Day project got so tedious, and I'm lacking the inspiration to write any poetry, that I will be continuing it some other time. So instead, I decided to submit another entry to the same DeviantArt contest that "Last Minute" is entered. This was half-written during a random bout of insomnia, and I honestly don't understand what's going on in it. I just wanted to try writing something different from what I usually write. XD
/////////

Have you ever thought about the difference between death and sleep?

Aside from of course, the fact that you'll never wake up once you die.

---

Almost everyday, there is a new one right in front of me. I watch with unbearable curiosity as that glimmer leaves their eyes. Then they are cold. It is always the same. What is death? I have never understood it, even though I watch it everyday. It only seems more and more elusive to me.

@@@@@

I sit here in my worn out car. It was my father's, long ago (before I took it from him, of course.) They key still smells vaguely of his blood. Perhaps I am merely imagining it.

I take another whiff from the nicotine-filled death stick in my hand. Yes yes. It's bad for my health, but it's so incredibly soothing. It always puts me in a good way, and it helps makes sure that my next target goes according to my plans. Of course, I don't even know what plans I'm talking about, I hardly ever have any plans. What was I talking about? Oh well, forget it.

I let the hand with my cigarette hang slightly loose from my open window, and my free hand's fingers stroke at my jaw as I once again reflect about life, death and sleep.

My knowledge about these three things is limited. Ever since I can remember, I have had very little sleep. 1-2 hours a day is normal for me. The bags and dark rings under my eyes do not bother me. I can care a lot less about what I look like. Of course, it's not like being awake for at least 22 hours each day is a blessing, but I can't sleep even if I tried. Too many thoughts. Always so many unanswered questions.

My jaw feels slightly prickly in my hands. I need a shave. Perhaps after this killing.

I turn my attention to the sound of footsteps nearby. It is only one person, and the feet sound rather light. A child, or a midget. Either way, rather easy to hide and dispose of. Trouble is, children scream and wriggle too much. On top of that, they die so quickly before I can get any kind of answer or result.

Oh bugger. My cigarette just disintegrated into nothing more but a tiny pile of ashes on the sidewalk. That was the last one of my current box. How bothersome.

Nevertheless, it was clear who my next target was. True, I don't like child slaughter, much too unproductive, but this is a very lonely and dark street. Very few people come here, except for the brave (or stupid) people and children who were obviously neglected. If I skip this one, I might not get anyone today, and that's dreadful. That would mean another day that will assure me I will never get any answers.

I get up from the worn-out leather seat and open the door. As usual, it let out a rather loud, complaining creak. I step out of the car, and onto to the faded-red sidewalk.

A tune that was being whistled echoes in the air as the small footsteps continue. I can almost clearly hear that she's skipping. Such a happy child. Perky children have always irritated me.

Her hair is parted into two pigtails, and she looks like she could be no older than 7. What kind of idiotic parent let such a small kid wander off into this dark and damp street? I'm not complaining though, if it means this child might give me the answers I'm looking for.

As she passes by me I quickly make my move and put my hand with the handkerchief in it over her mouth and nose. Almost as fast as I grabbed her, she became limp in my arms.

The only advantage to a child is that they're very easy to carry back into my car. I remember when a rather morbidly obese man came by this street. Horrid man, smelled awful, and was horribly difficult to bring back to my house.

The car ride back home was silent, and it unnerved me somewhat. This is the problem with me not being able to finish my cigarette time. My hand goes to the radio knob, and I immediately turn it back off when I hear the familiar, detestable wailing of that Miley Cyrus. The quality of music nowadays is sickeningly low.

I park in front of my old, crumbling 2-story house. The land the house rests on is so dry and cracked, that apparently no one aside from my great-grandparents ever thought of buying a house in this area. Ever since I was a child, I have never had any neighbors. It has made my quest for answers easier, I suppose.

The inside of the house smells of alcohol, tobacco products, and cheesy flavored chips. Ever since my mother died, I never really bother to clean up anything, and I use the dining table as my work area more than a place to eat.

The little girl moves in my arms and her eyes open a crack as I lay her down on the table.

"W-where…."

She immediately sits up and looks around the place in a panic. I take advantage of this moment of surprise to lay her down and tie her as tightly as I can to the wooden table.

There, the wriggling and squirming that I'm talking about. It gets annoying, after a short while.

"Haven't you ever wondered what death is like?"

She shakes her head, and there is a pleading look in her eyes.

Over the course of time, I realized how surprisingly easy it is to kill a person. Strap them down and leave them defenseless, and there is nothing left to stop that shiny, glistening blade. Time and time again, I am still not used to how cleanly my knife slides into their flesh. Eventually, I find that it becomes rather fun to slide it in and out of several places, leaving behind more and more wounds.

Of course, my victims can never respond when I ask them how it feels. I can never understand what happens when that final breath leaves their lungs. It drives me mad. It is these thoughts that cause more anger to me as I look at my newest victim.

My fingers close around the familiar handle of my knife, which rests on the table. I never bother to clean the house, but I make sure that my knife is spotless. I love its shine as I raise it up in the air.

Her scream echoes within the old wooden walls. The first time, when it was the screams of my father and mother, it rang in my ears and head and stung my very being. Not now though. This is a girl in which I have no emotional attachment to. She is just another one of my experiments, another one to kill in my search for an answer. She's nothing but a guinea pig. Her high-pitched screams remind me and assure me that I'm not taking away the life of a real human being.

What life, am I talking about exactly? What is the act of taking away a life? This is so frustrating, and it seems I still have no answers. I have no idea what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

With those maddening thoughts I stick the knife in one more time, and I twist it. That did it. Once again, I see a person's body as it changes from a living being to nothing but a corpse that will rot forever in the ground.

This is insane! Dozens of people I've killed, and I still can't answer what death is! This is unfair. Another one gone, just like all the other useless ones, and I have gained no answers. I begin to go about my normal cleaning procedures, and go out to bury the body in one of the nearby empty lots.

I go on to eat my dinner- another cup of instant noodles, before going upstairs to my bed.

///

I wake up with all the memories of the failure from yesterday, and all the failures I have gotten so far.

However, today is a clean slate. Perhaps today my victim will get me the answers I want. Today, I have another shot to try and figure out all my questions. Today will be a new person, a new story.

It will be a new beginning.

Followed by the end I wrote myself.

Stand

Author's Note: Seeing as I missed the start of NaPoWriMo, I decided to start on a little project of my own to make up for it.

Starting today, I'm going to be setting my music player on shuffle and put the first 10 songs that come up in a list every day. I'll pick 3 songs and write a poem based on each song, then I'll pick a random word from a random book each day and write a poem based on that. Hopefully, I can keep this up for 31 days. XD I should have 124 poems by the end of the 31 days. O_O

So this is one of the 4 poems I wrote today for that. This was inspired by the song "Change" by Taylor Swift. It's not very good, but the reason I'm doing this project is because I want to try changing my writing perspectives and themes. XD
////////
You look at the ones
who stand in your place.
There they are,
with a smile on their face.

You can't understand
the feeling in your heart.
You guess it's unfair,
because you've worked so hard.

The truth is, you've lost.
Yet again, it's all the same.
Somehow you just can't escape,
because you're always second-rate.

You want to give up,
you want to throw it all away.
But just before you do,
you always find a reason to stay.

People tell you it's worthless,
they say you're wasting time.
But you don't want to listen,
because hell, this is your life.

You might lose, for another time.
But that doesn't matter now.
There's no room for misery,
there's no time to doubt.

Things are going to change,
you can feel it in the air.
It's like what's always said.
You've just gotta hang in there.

Your time will come,
maybe sooner than you think.
because after all,
things turn around in a single blink.

It's easy to give up,
and throw everything down.
It's so easy to go
and give everything up now.

It's hard to say they're lying,
maybe it is all nothing.
But you know you've got to try.
Because this is your everything.

One day you're going to stand,
in that place you should have been
And everyone will know
That's where you're meant to be.

Meteor Shower

I'm out on the balcony
with the cold night air.
I wonder where you are.
And I'm wishing I was there.

I remember the way you smile,
and it makes me want to cry.
But somehow I don't think I should,
under such a beautiful sky.

I lie back and continue to watch
this amazing meteor shower.
And I pull your jacket around me
as the night grows colder.

The sky lights up as the stars fall.
But somehow I just don't see
how brilliant this should be
since you're not here with me.

Miss

Goodbye to you,
I guess I'll never get to say.
Everything that I wanted to,
because you have to leave today.
I know it's stupid to wish
that you would stay for me.
And I guess I've got to learn.
That you and I will never be.

Goodbye to you,
you don't know how much this hurts.
And words are getting caught in my throat,
and I just can't face the truth.
You don't know that the thought of you
really can make me smile.
And that I'm going to miss
every single thing you say and do.

Goodbye to you,
I don't even think you'll miss me.
I don't know, but I just wish.
You'd stop making it hard to breathe.
I'll try not to think about you.
At least until you come back.
Because I know you won't think of me.
I'm fairly sure of that.

School Year 2009-2010.

Well, wow. What can I say.

I don't even know how to describe this schoolyear. I mean, so many things have happened.

I didn't like my section. I only learned to gradually get used to everything, and I managed to bear most of them for the entire 10 months. I'm glad though, that there were people who made it a lot easier to be happy despite the 30+ people who made this year a lot...urgh.

So I guess, I'd just like to thank my MC friends. :) Possibly others, too.

Kirsten.
-Hey you. I don't even know where to begin to thank you for this schoolyear. :) I feel like our friendship got a lot better this year...and you have no idea how glad I am because of that. You were someone I could rant to, someone I could laugh with, someone I could be random with, someone to be gay with,someone who I was completely sure would listen to me, no matter what I had to say...and someone I could turn to when I felt like crying.

You managed to make me laugh during moments where I felt like I wanted to just hit a wall or break something, or when I felt like breaking down from missing a certain someone, from the anger and rage and irritation I felt at people in my section, or disappointment from the results of competitions.

Some people only know me as the "smart english-speaking girl." Some people think I'm indifferent to a lot of things. Some people even make this ridiculous assumption that I'm all quiet and meek and stuff. I'm glad you're actually one of the few people I can show my real self to. You know I'm not indifferent to things that happen around me. You know that I'm not the strong person I just really want to be. Just...God. :))

It's just...you're a really awesome friend. I don't know how to put it into correct words that would even begin to explain just how much. But I honestly don't know what I'd do without you.

Just promise me we'll still be this close next year. :) A friend like you only comes once in a lifetime. :)

Julian.
-Because of you, I was able to find a home-y secondary classroom of sorts. Practically every recess and lunch of this schoolyear, I spent it in 2-3. I guess I'm just glad for it, because I was able to stay in a room and actually feel...at home. I felt like I belonged. Thank you, for all the random conversations. Whether they were really random and about something so stupid. =)) (I don't even need to post examples here, I'm sure you can think of at least one), or whether they were about things as deep as religion, life, dreams, or whatever. Or whether they were about the things happening, in general. I know a lot of people know you as just the "girl who speaks in English, who likes music and unique, non-mainstream things" but we both know that you are so much more than that. :) I got to learn a lot more about you this year...and I'm happy because of that. I know I say this to practically all my friends, but hey. Every time I say it, I mean it. No matter how many times I say it, it doesn't make it any less true.

There's no one like you. :) And I guess, somehow, that's why I'm friends with you. Thank you for this school year. My second year was made memorable, despite my section. And you're one of the reasons for it.

Paige.
-You know, honestly. Your palanca made me smile. :) And...truthfully. You were right. About practically everything you wrote for the first part of the palanca. And I guess it's not entirely your fault as it is for me not telling you, or for me being selfish, I suppose. I guess that after looking back at everything. I may have overreacted.

But I'm glad that I got a chance to think about it again and realize that hey...things aren't as un-fix-able as I thought. :) I appreciate the fact that we can start over again.

Jopi.
-We've gone through a lot. And honestly? Sometimes I felt like I didn't know what to think about you anymore. Sometimes, I felt like you were changing too much. Sometimes, I felt like I just wanted to avoid you whenever you were with certain people, because I felt like you just weren't the person I was friends with during those times.

But I guess through everything, I've learned to understand you more. You're not being plastic. You never were. Sometimes, I feel like the only reason I may feel like what I mentioned earlier is because I might actually feel bad that I just can't seem to be as understanding as you are.

Anyway. You're a great person. And a great friend. As much as I may not have shown it, you have no idea how touched I was when you got angry at the people who were flipping through my notebook. Thanks for everything. We've been partners for 3 competitions this school-year. I've grown a lot and improved, and well. I'll see you for another 2 more years, at the very least. :) However, I really do hope we're classmates again next year. You're just fun to have a classmate.

See you in summer, partner.

Andrea.
-I guess what I really appreciate about our friendship is that we're friends inside and outside of debate. I mean, it's not like I'm friends with the others during training only, but we actually went on gimmicks that had a lot of other people outside of debate. Thank you for all the random moments we've had, especially during those random moments we just stay late in MC or something. I remember when the sun flickered. =)) And when you failed at hiding behind the bench. XD

Thank you for putting up with the really bitchy rants I go into. =)) And for being really easy to talk to about a lot of stuff. :)

I just want you to know, that whatever choice you decide to make about whether or not you're staying next year...I won't try to change it. :) I just hope you stick with it and don't regret it later on. Just promise me that if you do decide you want something else for the remaining years...that we'll still be friends.

Pat.
-Wow. I don't even think you need an explanation as to why you're here, you dummy. Thanks for all the laughs, the ranting sessions, the sabaw moments, and for letting me bully you. =))) I would make this longer, but I've written you so many goodbye letters and shit that I'll just end up repeating everything I've already said. =))

Just...thanks for being someone who could make my last 2 months with 2-7 absolutely fun. They were the happiest moments of the schoolyear with 2-7...and I'm going to miss having someone whose hair I can ruffle and mess up constantly.

Elina
-Hey there. :) I know you're not our Captain anymore. And it feels really weird to think about it. It's hard for me to believe you won't be at trainings anymore, and I'm just going to miss that unique randomness and child-like...ness(=))) you have that is distinctly Elina. =)) I hope you drop by during competitions. XD Thanks for all the random moments. :D

Marianne
-Thank you for the sabaw sense of humor you have. Sometimes, it really can make my day. =)) I know people think you may be a bitch, but honestly, I think they just misunderstand you sometimes. I dunno. It's just...you're just honest about things. And I don't think I've ever seen you get mad for a reason that really doesn't make any sense. Last year, you were just someone I was pretty much afraid of. I'm glad that this year, I got to know you as more than that. :) Thanks for making training this year fun. XD

Alyssa.
-I just want to thank you, for...always believing in me, even when I didn't believe in myself. It's just...after tournaments where I just felt so frustrated and disappointed...you were there to cheer me up and prove that it might not be as bad as I always seem to think it is. You help me to keep at it and not give up. I just want to thank you for that. :) I'd also like to thank you for the random moments during the idle times in training where we just talk about practically anything. XD

Tracy.
-Tracy Wacy! =)) I just want to thank you for first off, being one of my partners in ASDC(TrAzAn! XD). That was really fun. I don't think I can ever forget the first round where we wasted 15 minutes of prep time running, and how I had to force out a voice for 7 whole rounds. XD That was a really unforgettable tournament, despite all the flaws and stuff. I learned a lot from you during that tournament too. Haha. Anyway. Thank you for all the sabaw moments this year. Like "Rendezvous" and...always calling me "Azi Wazi." =)))) There are more, but I can't really remember some right now.

Nicolle.
-I'd like to thank you for all the sabaw moments that make us all laugh. XD They really do make my day, and they're something to look forward to during training. =)) You were also one of the people who helped me believe in myself more. Haha.I honestly don't know what to say right now, but I hope you know that you made a difference to this schoolyear. XD

Lianne.
-Bukaaas. Bukaaas. Mahal kita, bukaaas. Sinong may Size 3? \:D/

Oh my God, what would POES and POEM have been without you. ):

I just want to thank you for EVERYTHING. For all the moments you just keep laughing and I have no idea why, and I just end up laughing too. For the moments we made the most random jokes or laughed at the weirdest things. =)) And for always giving me the questions to the homework and letting me borrow your book. =)))))

And for being someone I could talk to about...stuff. Like things that were bothering me that I forced at the back of my mind. Or meh. And for letting me know about some stuff that you don't tell other people. :) I know we may not be that close. But you have no idea how much I value you as a friend. :D

Gillian
-Oh my God, just...thank you for being someone to rant to about...HER. You know who I'm talking about. =)) And during the NAT. Frontmate. Heehee. \:D/ You're very fun to be with, and your hater on formspring is funny. =)) Thanks for this year, Gillian~ *hugs*

Faith.
-I guess that through all those random "training" sessions when it was only you and me who were left behind, I managed to get a lot of time to spend with you. You're someone I could talk to about what I think about a lot of things. What I think of people, events, and blah. You're very easy to talk to. Thanks. :)

Darla.
-Haha. You're one person who can simply be described with "8D"

=)) Anyway. Thank you for all the moments you just make everyone laugh. =)) Sometimes, they can actually cheer me up. =))

Thank you for the perkiness and happiness you have. It's very contagious. XD You added color to this school year. 8D =))

Patrice
-Hello Germaphobe. =)) Thank you for all the laughs and the...fail moments. Your epic fail award. 8D And all the times you just sang random songs or Backstreet Boys songs. =))

Dom.
Thanks for being someone I could hang out with during the mornings. :D They were fun. XD And they helped me NOT dread coming to school so early a bit. :D

Vivi.
-...I never expected you'd help make the schoolyear more fun and memorable. I mean. For 3/4 of the year I thought you were actually contributing to making it worse. I guess it was my fault for being too quick to judge, but meh. I guess I just want to thank you for being an awesome backmate, because 4th quarter was the only quarter I was actually able to talk during class because I finally had someone to talk to. =)) I hope we're classmates again next year. :D Thank you for being someone who made all those strange noises, for being someone I could rant to about MC, about the people in MC, about the English in MC, about the Evil Sprite, and other stuff. And thanks for the conversations we had that actually talked about *gasp* substantial things. =))) I'm going to miss all the sing-song moments you have and different voices and sounds you can make because you're not my backmate anymore. ):

Anna.
-I LOST THE GAME.

Anyway. Thank you for the mornings where we could just talk about everything and nothing, all at the same time. Somehow, we just slowly became friends and soon enough, I just talked to you every morning, in between classes, and after recess before class started again. I loved how our conversations could go from the ultimate sabaw and retarded, to things so complex like the mysteries of life. =))

Just...thanks for being one of the extremely few people in class that I was actually able to establish a legit friendship with. =)) I'm going to miss talking about things as retarded as Potato Gods and the Japanese guys who look like such pretty girls if we're not classmates next year. :D
///////////////////////////////////
Thank you to all you people. And just because you're not on this list, doesn't mean I don't care about you, mind. I just might not have a specific and unique message for you, and I feel like it's not sincere enough if I make a message for this random blob of people. And I decided to limit it to MC people, for some reason.

Or maybe it's because I'm becoming too lazy. Oh well~

I love my friends. I really do. :3

-SeMi

Raindrops

I sit here by the windowsill,
and the raindrops fall by.
I'm sitting here and asking myself.
Why you had to say goodbye.

The day you left, was just like this.
It was raining this hard,
and you had told me the words.
That caught me off guard.

I sit here and remember,
every single memory
Every tear and laugh we shared,
when it was you and me.

I wonder what I did wrong,
I remember when you walked away.
I stood there and watched,
Crying in the pouring rain.

I guess I wasn't reason enough
for you to turn around.
I waited for you to come back,
but the rain kept coming down.

I guess this isn't a dream,
and you're really gone.
The raindrops remind me
that all those days are done.

One Chance

Because we've got one chance left;
are we gonna take it?
We gotta make sure,
that we're not mistaken.
I know we said we'd never let go.
But baby I gotta admit;
that right now, I just don't know.

One chance left, hang on tight.
From what I can tell,
this is gonna be one rough ride.
The odds are against us,
but it's worth a shot.
You've got to promise me
that we'll give it all we've got.

Dream Come True

The room is filled with silence,
And everyone looks their best.
You stand up and reach out a hand,
you laugh and ask me to dance.
And somehow, I just wish you knew.
That this is what I've always dreamed of with you.

I asked you, but said just as a friend.
I guess you believed me, and so you went.
You tell me I look beautiful tonight.
With this dress, in your favorite color
that's in her eyes.
I just know I'll never forget this.
Because tonight, I'm getting my wish.

The music plays, and it starts out slow.
I hold you close, and I never wanna let you go.
We start dancing, and it feels so real.
But I know this won't last forever,
And you still don't know how I feel.
But right now I'm just lost in your arms,
And you hold me tight and keep me warm.
It's a dream come true, but after tonight,
You'll be gone, along with all these beautiful lights.

Your arm feels nice wrapped 'round my shoulder,
my heart skips a beat as you pull me closer.
I know tomorrow this'll all hurt too much.
But right now, I just wanna pretend it's us.

All the world is gone, while you're here with me.
You take my hand, and it just makes me weak.
The night is ending, and we start to walk away.
And I just know this'll end the next day.

I thank you for tonight, and I just wanna cry.
I only asked you, and you don't know why.
I know she's still your favorite girl.
So I guess it's goodbye.
Time for me to go back
to the real world.

I hold you one last time.
Before I say goodnight.
And I hold you close,
and I don't wanna let go.
This won't last forever,
but I wanna pretend.
That I'm yours
just until
this goodbye ends.

Walk Away

Just walk away,
don't you dare turn around.
I don't want to cry.
Don't say goodbye out loud.

Just walk away,
don't look back.
I'll be fine without you.
I'm fairly sure of that.

Just walk away,
leave me here in the cold.
Go and keep her warm,
she's yours to hold.

Just walk away,
I know you don't care.
That I was here before her,
and it's just so unfair.

Just walk away,
before I change my mind.
I have to let you go,
accept you'll never be mine.

Just walk away,
I want you to be free.
Because I know I can't stand.
Not seeing you happy.

Just walk away,
she's perfect for you.
And I'm really sure.
You're perfect for her too.

Fireworks

He's funny and nice,
with the brightest green eyes.
He stays awake all night,
just to listen as I cry.

He tries to make me smile,
even if it takes a while.
He's charming and I can't believe
he means nothing to me.

He calls just to say hello.
Tells me he loves me,
just to let me know.
I hate how I don't understand.
I feel nothing when he holds my hand.

I miss the fights and all the tears.
All the pain you used to cause me.
There were fireworks then,
I just don't get it.

But you're the one I wanna be with.

Almost

Almost just isn't good enough.
I lie back and I think;
that it could have been us.

It was almost you and me.
It kills me to think
of all that could have been.

I should have known better.
Shouldn't have fallen for you.
But right now I'm just thinking...

You almost loved me too.

Fast

I can't sleep right now,
as I think about the past.
As I look back at everything,
it's gone by way too fast.

You're already leaving,
somehow it won't sink in.
I think about the memories,
and the friends we could have been.

I don't want to believe it,
It can't possibly be true.
A huge part of me,
doesn't wanna say
goodbye to you.

I'll wish you the best of luck.
You'll do great over there.
I only met you this year,
It's almost unfair.

I guess all I can say,
is thank you for this year.
I'm going to miss you,
once you're no longer here.

Cold

I open my eyes
and hear your voice.
So loud and distinct,
amongst all other noise.

I take a breath,
try to breathe you in.
I lie awake,
unable to sleep.

You're so far away,
why did you go?
I miss you too much.
And you don't even know.

I call out your name,
and hold back tears.
It's so damn cold
now that you're not here.

Draw With Me

Author's note: Poem was inspired by this youtube video Not really one of my best, but meh. It'll do. That is all. XD
///

Take my hand,
and draw with me.
We'll survive,
we'll make it out.
Draw with me,
don't make a sound.

Take my hand,
and draw with me.
Let's pretend,
that you're beside me.
Draw with me,
let's look at everything
that we could be.

Take my hand,
and draw with me.
It's the only way
we'll know.
Draw with me,
because I don't want
to let you go.

Take my hand
and draw with me,
amidst the cold and snow.
Draw with me,
we've only got each other.
I don't want
to be left alone.

Take my hand
and draw with me,
it's only some glass.
Draw with me,
because I don't know
how to make it crack.

Take my hand
and draw with me,
until we're out of charcoal.
Draw with me,
I'll pretend
that you're holding me
through the cold.

Memory

The cold is piercing,
I lean back and let out a sigh.
Why'd it have to be this way?
Tell me honestly,
was I not enough reason to stay?
And now I'm wondering
if it was something I said.
Because you know,
that I never wanted this to end.

And we're miles and miles apart,
but you know
that I'm still holding on.
to the memories,
because everything else
is gone.
You're not here beside me,
as I lie awake,
I stare up at the stars.
I hope you know
that you're still
holding on to my heart.

And sometimes,
it feels like you're still here.
I take a breath,
it's like you're so near.
And the memories
are haunting me,
all the ghosts
of what used to be.
Everything we had before
is now just a memory.

Cherry Blossoms

Author’s Note: This is a short story I wrote one day when I got a burst of inspiration during one dull school day. The plot developed in my head, and the characters and ending kind of…created themselves, if that made any sense. I felt like the way the two character’s friendship developed took on a life of it’s own. XD Anyway. This, out of the 5 short stories that I’ve written, is the only one I’m actually proud of. It’s not spectacular and brilliant, but I know for a fact that it’s not terrible. :) Comments and criticism are of course, extremely welcome.

///

Aoi Surowatori leaned back against the tree. She breathed in the cool air and listened to the calm breeze.

Spring break had finally arrived. Just around 20 minutes ago, all the other students had rushed out of the school, eager to start celebrating their spring break.

She looked up at the old classroom building and continued to sketch it. She ran the pencil through the paper, lost in the lines and shading.

Sketching was what always kept her busy. It always managed to make her forget her problems for a little while; so now the thought that had been bugging her for the past few days was at the back of her mind.

The sound of two students talking as they passed by filled Aoi’s ears for a few minutes before they left, and the garden was still again.

Aoi wished it was always like this, this peaceful and calm in the school. Usually the garden was would be filled with the noise of the groups of the students. Never in her 2 years in this High School has it ever been this quiet.

Aoi was a sophomore in a High School located near the south part of Kyoto, Japan. She had lived in the same house for around 3 years, since her parents transfer jobs a lot. She had always assumed that was probably why she never made friends; she hated goodbyes.

She adjusted the sleeve of her uniform and shaded a window she drew.

***
Ichijou Hiruzaki continued to run through the building, searching frantically.

“Fuck, where is my phone?!”

He re-entered his classroom, 2-3 for roughly the 5th time and checked his desk again.

“It’s not here…” he brushed back his messed-up, dark brown hair and sighed. He’d looked everywhere he went today, and there was nothing.

“Man, that was a new phone…” he walked out of the building slowly. “This sucks…”

He stopped. Who was that? A girl was sitting on a bench, leaning against a tree and absorbed in what she was sketching. She looked familiar…

A few awkward minutes passed before he stopped wondering and walked over to her.

“Hey…”

It took a while before she responded. For a few seconds, he thought she was completely lost in her sketch, and was about to walk away when she looked up and smiled slightly.

“Hey. Ichijou, right?”

“Um…yeah. You’re…” he bit his lip as he tried to remember.

She gave a small laugh. “It’s fine, most people don’t know my name. I’m Aoi, from your Math Class.”

“Oh! Right.” He laughed at himself as he rubbed nervously at his nape. “You’re always so quiet in class.”

“Well, you know. No one really talks to me.”

“So why’re you still here?”

She tapped the end of her pencil to the sketchbook page. “I could ask you the same thing. But…nothing, really. I love the quiet, and our school has beautiful scenery. And you?”

“I, eh…lost my phone. And I can’t find it.”

“Have you tried looking in the lost and found?”

“Meh, they’re never effective.”

“How are you so sure?”

“They suck. Plain and simple.”

“Come on, at least try. Do you want your phone back?”

“Yeah.”

“Come on.” She closed the sketchbook and put it in her bag. “Let’s look.”

The two of them started walking towards the Administrative Building.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen this school so peaceful. It’s refreshing, actually.”

Aoi gave a small nod. “I bet it’s always like this when class ends. I don’t usually stay this late, most of the time I go home and study.”

“Huh. I wish I could say the same thing about me….but I kind of just go home. I don’t really…study or…anything like that.”

They stopped in front of the slightly worn door of the lost and found. And, after some awkward seconds of silence and just standing in front of it, Ichijou knocked and opened it.

“Ehm, good afternoon. Would you happen to have a cellphone?”

He gave a fairly clear description. The woman frowned and looked at the things on a nearby shelf. “Is this it?”


“Yes! That’s the one!” he reached for it and quickly turned it on, making sure everything was still intact. “Thank you!” closing the door, he started walking away.

“I told you so.” Aoi said, a small, amused smirk on her face.

“Yeah, yeah. I have my phone back, so insult me all you want. I don’t care.”

“So what do you want to do now?”

“I don’t know…what were you sketching a while ago?”

“Oh, um. Nothing important.”

“Come on. I want to see it.”

“It’s not even finished.”

“Then show me something that is finished.”

Aoi shrugged and breathed out a sigh that signified defeat. “Fine, whatever.”

They arrived in the garden and Aoi walked over to her bag and handed him the sketchpad.

“Wow…these are pretty good.”

“Hmm.”

“Here. Finish the sketch.”

They sat down by the stone bench, and Aoi started sketching again.

“You can talk while I do this, by the way.

“Oh, um. Okay. So how are you gonna spend your spring break?”

“With my family, mostly…”

“What about your friends?”

“…I don’t really have any.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t be so serious.” She laughed. “I’m a student too, you know.”

“Haha. Right. Well, why…don’t you have any friends? You’re pretty cool.”

“…thanks, I guess. But I’d rather not talk about it.”

“Well…if you say so.”

For a few seconds they sat in silence, where the only sounds were Aoi’s pencil running through the paper and leaves rustling in the wind. Ichijou brushed back a lock of hair and watched as Aoi continued to shade and add more lines. She was so absorbed in it he was almost scared to break the silence.

“Am I disturbing you?”

She shook her head. “No, not at all. But you’re being so awkward and quiet.” She looked up and smiled. “When I’m done, do you want to go to dinner, maybe?”

“…I have time, yeah.”

“Cool. Hold on, I’m almost done.”

She shaded a few more things. “There. Done.” She grinned and handed him the sketch. “It’s a bit rushed, sorry.”

“Rushed? I’d freak if I could draw like you can.”

She laughed. “Really, I’m not that good. Would you like to go now?”

“Um, sure.”

They slung their bags over their shoulders and walked out the school gate.

“The school is so empty…it’s really weird.” He took out his iPod and put one earphone on.

“Haha, yeah. So where do you want to eat?”

“Well..what do you want to eat?”

“Hmm. I’m in the mood for Tonkatsu.”

“Oh, I think I know a place. It’s a pretty long walk though.”

“It’s okay…I like long walks.”

“It’s this way.”

They started to walk through the sidewalk, mostly silent aside from the occasional car that passed by.

“What about you, by the way? What are your plans for the spring break?” Aoi asked after they passed by a house where two children were running around.

“Knowing my parents, probably nothing.” He shrugged. “I hardly see them around the house, anymore. So I guess I’ll probably hang around the malls with my friends.”

“I see…well. Since you already know I like sketching…do you have any hobbies?”

“Uh…I play guitar, mostly. That’s about it.”

“That’s cool. How long have you been playing?”

“Around…4 years, I think.”

She nodded and fingered a small lock of her light-brown hair. “I tried learning piano when I was young. I gave up after a few months.” She let out a laugh. “I don’t really have the patience to try learning anything music-related.”

“Haha. Well…we’re all different. It’s weird…I’ve always seen you around, but I think this is actually the first time I’ve talked to you.”

“Right back at you.”

“And it’s weird. When I talk to people I don’t really know…it’s really awkward. We barely talk and by the time I leave, I’m so relieved to get away from the silence. But…for some reason, it’s almost like I know you already.”

She shrugged. “If you say so.”

They continued their walk until they reached a fairly tall building.

“This is it.”

He lead her into the restaurant and they took a seat beside a window. After a few minutes of deciding what to get, the waitress gave them a friendly smile, repeated their order one last time and left them.

“We should hang out more now that it’s Spring Break. Get to know each other better, and all that.” Ichijou said cheerfully.

“…y-yeah….” Aoi looked out the window and sighed.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Ehm, nothing.” She gave him a reassuring smile. “Do you eat here often?”

He shrugged. “Often enough, I guess. The owner of the restaurant is a family friend.”

“Oh. That’s cool. It’s a very nice place…” she trailed off a bit dreamily, then reached into her bag and got her sketchbook, her pencil, and started to sketch again.

“The food here is great, too. But it is a bit expensive…”

“Why didn’t you say so? I can’t really…afford expensive things.”

“No, it’s my treat.”

“But-“

“No buts. I’m always willing to treat a friend.” He grinned.

“…a friend.” A sad smile was on her face, but as she opened her mouth to say something, the waitress came with the food.

“…It looks so good.” She muttered under her breath.

“That’s why this is one of my favorite places. Itedakimasu” Ichijou eagerly started eating.

Aoi slowly, almost hesitantly reached for the food with her chopsticks, and carefully put it into her mouth.

“Hey, that’s not the last bit of beef on this planet.” He laughed.

Her eyes widened in an almost childlike wonder as she tasted the beef. “It’s so good!”

Ichijou couldn’t help but smile. He never saw anyone so happy about some Tonkatsu. He found it cute really…

They ate the rest of the meal in silence, and afterwards, he offered to walk her home. The sun had already set, and they walked through the calm, quiet street, the sound of crickets filling the air.

“Ichijou…thank you. Thank you so much…for everything.”

“No problem.”

“Do you really consider me as a friend now…?”

He nodded. “Of course. It’s really fun talking to you.”

A small, sad smile formed on her lips. “That’s the first time anyone ever said that to me…” she swallowed back tears. She couldn’t cry. Not now.

After a few minutes, she looked up. “This is my house…” she walked slightly to the door and stopped, slowly turning around.

“Are you free tomorrow?” he asked.

She shook her head. “I’m sorry….I can’t. I-“ She bit her lip and turned around. “I’m leaving for America tomorrow.”

“For Spring Break?”

“…for three years.”

“W-what?”

“…goodbye, Ichijou.” She entered her house and leaned against the door, tears running down her cheeks.
***

The Next Day.

Ichijou put down the guitar and walked over to the large window. What was wrong? Why was he so depressed? He barely even knew her!

Damn it. Damn it all. Why? He had never felt this way for anyone…He had only talked to her ONCE. One time…it wasn’t even a full day. But…there was something about her…God damn it…he had only met her yesterday! He had no reason to feel this way…he couldn’t possibly feel sad that she was leaving…

He checked his watch. Almost noon. He sighed and took his jacket from his chair. He would go out for a walk. That would probably clear his head.

The park was filled with the sound of screaming children, and the ground was filled with sakura petals…Ichijou sighed and sat down on a nearby bench. The one girl he was actually interested in…oh, damn it! What was he saying?! It was only one day! One conversation! A couple of exchanged lines…

“…hey.”

He looked up and his eyes widened when he saw the same light-brown haired Aoi.

“W-what’re you doing here? I thought…”

“We’re leaving at 8 in the evening, apparently. So I thought I’d get one last sketch of Japan before you know…I leave.”

“…oh.”

She sat down beside him. “…I know it’s stupid to say this after only talking to you once…but I think I’m going to miss you, Ichijou.”

“I feel the same way…oh, I know! Give me your cellphone number. I’ll text you everyday.”

“…I don’t have a cellphone.”

“Oh…well. Uh. “

Aoi rested her head in her hands for a while before looking back at him. “Please…just stay with me here until I have to go…”

“S-sure.”

“Thank you…I don’t want to go, honestly. I mean…my Dad always has to transfer jobs. That’s why I don’t have any friends…The more you have, the more you have to lose…”

“I guess…”

“But yesterday…I felt what it was like to actually have a friend…and I realized I was missing out on so much…”

Aoi brushed back a lock of her hair. “Goodbyes will always hurt, that’s true. But hey…life is about the good times…right? And I guess I should focus on that instead. So…when I’m in America I’m going to try and make a few friends there…”

“I’m sure it won’t be hard for you.”

“Haha…but seriously…thank you for making me realize that.”

Several hours passed by, with Aoi and Ichijou just talking, then later on watching the sun set.

“I…have to go now.”

“Oh…um. Okay then.”

They stood up and Ichijou rubbed at the back of his neck. “I hope I see you again sometime…”

“Me too…so…goodbye. Um…” She nervously walked closer and stopped for a while, deciding whether or not she should do it…then gave him a kiss on his cheek and ran off.

“…Aoi.” He sighed and put his hand in his pocket, and started walking home, cherry blossoms continuously falling on the ground.

***

My name is Ichijou Hiruzaki. Years ago, I met a girl named Aoi Surowatori. I know it’s stupid to say that I loved her…I mean, I’ve only had two conversations with her. But I’ll never forget the moment I saw her walk away.

I’m a songwriter now. I write for a lot of hit artists. They like my songs, apparently. A lot of the songs I wrote were about her…I wonder if she ever hears them.

And sure, I’ve met a lot of girls. I’m currently dating this girl I met in the songwriting business; Aki Takohoto. She’s nice and all. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I like her. But the way I felt for Aoi…was really different. A different feeling from all those other girls. I don’t know…it’s just. There was really just something about her.

It’s been around 10 years since then. I haven’t seen Aoi again. In all honesty, I’ve given up hope that I ever will.

Half-Hearted

God, IDeA(Interscholastic Debate Association) 2.

It’s bad enough that we didn’t break, but no one from our team broke…it’s just…wow.

It left me thinking of so many things, so many questions.

These past few weeks, ever since I got tabs of PSDC(Philippine Schools Debate Championship), in fact; I’ve been asking myself one question, to which I thought I would never be able to find the answer. I thought that it was all meaningless, and that I was driving myself to exhaustion for absolutely nothing.

I’ve been wondering why I even bother to debate.

I’ve been asking myself again and again why I even tire myself training, why I constantly sacrifice things for debate; for training, or for competitions.

Since PSDC, I was losing my drive. I was losing the motivation I had. I felt like nothing I was doing was paying off. Sure, occasionally, I gave a good speech, but it didn’t seem enough for me anymore. I wanted to move forward. I wanted to know that I could do something besides beating newbies. It felt so unfair that there were people who started debating later or the same time as me, and they were already so much better than me. It made me feel so incompetent, it made me feel as if this was the best I could ever be.

I’ve been training since PSDC, but since then, my efforts felt halfhearted. I felt so disheartened by everything that had happened. I was wondering why I couldn’t even push my arguments. I was wondering why I still had trouble reaching 7 minutes sometimes. I just kept asking myself why the hell my arguments still went around and around in circles. Why is it that I STILL can’t deliver a good prime speech?

I have now gone to my second IDeA 2. And well. I realize…

I’ve been an idiot.

All this time, I’ve been telling myself that I’m not improving. That I still suck, that I’m going nowhere. That no matter what I do, I can’t deliver speeches good enough.

But then, looking back at my speeches from the first IDeA 2 and the ones from yesterday…

I’ve improved a lot more than I could ever imagine.

I’m not that helpless first year who had terrible, monotonous manner anymore. I’m not the kid who needs to summarize every single time in a speech. I can finally take some POIs and not get rattled. Maybe I’m still not a veteran. I’m nowhere near a name to be feared. But I’m a lot closer to that when I compare the way I debate now to the way I debate then.

I guess, I’ve been lying to myself all this time.

I debate because of the thrill of it. The pure adrenaline rush when you just know you’re going to give a good speech. When I know that I deserve no lower than a first or a second, the best feeling is when you press “stop” on your stopwatch and go back to your seat, and you know you left a definite impact.

I debate because I know how hard it is to improve in it. I need long, hard training sessions that make me want to wrench my hair out in frustration.

And I guess, when I see that I’m not a total failure, there’s a bit of pride in it.

That’s why I just know when I finally reach that point where I can consider myself a name to be feared, I’ll know I deserved it.

Fine, right now, I’m terribly inconsistent. I can deliver a fairly good speech in one round and a god-awful speech in the next. I have trouble really pushing an argument to its limit. I even have trouble really dedicating myself to it.

So there’s no one to blame but myself.

But I’ve been a fool for thinking I’m not improving just because I’m not improving fast.

I’ve found my motivation again, despite not breaking.

I’m not wasting my time.

I’m doing something I love.

And despite what I thought before, I’m not doing it terribly.

So now it’s time to start doing it well.

I want to improve.

I want to be someone who will frequently get that after-a-good-speech feeling.

And so, that’s why I exhaust myself training and matter-loading and going to far-away places to compete.

Now it’s time to start doing all of it wholeheartedly again.

Regret

I sit down and think of you,
even though I try not to.
I tell myself it's gone,
Everything's done.

There's no turning back.
I'm sure of that.
I wasted my chance
To ask for that one last dance.

Sometimes I wish
it didn't end like this.
I look back and wonder,
why it didn't last forever.

You went your way,
on that painful day.
I never got to say it.
Something that
I'll always live with.

I'll never forget.
You're one of my biggest regrets.
I think I'd have been happy,
with you beside me.

Now I just have memories
And shadows of what could have been.
Full of regret and wishing.
That I had said something.

Faded

I look through old pictures,
and see your smile.
I haven't thought of you.
Not in a while.

You used to be
one of my best friends.
I honestly can't tell,
just when did that end?

You've been gone too long,
out of my life.
I think you forgot me too.
And I don't know why.

I used to think
you were the one for me.
Now I guess that's something
you'll never see.

I used to love you,
about that I can't lie.
I have to say,
you were my hardest goodbye.

But I'm pretty sure
there'll always be,
at the back of my mind,
a small part of me.

It will always feel
the exact same way.
But that's the past.
This is what I have to say.

Most of it's faded,
the feeling is gone.
I've learned the hard way,
that you can't be the one.

Time

I look up and can't help but smile.
A genuine one, it's been a while.
I think of you and remember,
the laughs and tears,
That day in November.

I guess I'll always miss you,
but I've got to face the truth.
There's no point in waiting,
I've got my own life.
I'm going to stop the hopeless wishing.

It's nice to know, I can finally move on.
I can be happy, even when you're gone.
It's time to let go of this pain.
It's time to be free.
To finally accept
that things will never be the same.

I turn back one last time,
and I know I'll be fine.
You changed me more than you'll ever know,
but it's time I learned
that it's time to let you go.

Only a Dream

She says goodbye
and walks away.
He could only watch.

Her eyes are sad,
his voice is gone.
She says nothing more.

The land is dark,
the fog is thick.
She's not coming back.

She slowly fades
in the dimming light
far away from him

He wakes and finds
with teary eyes
that it was only a dream

Last Goodbye

They sat down together,
surrounded by silence.
Tears fell down.
Why'd it end like this?

Two hours to go
before they part ways.
She couldn't believe it.
Why today?

Their hands held tightly,
their silence unbroken.
She leaned on his shoulder,
didn't wanna let go then.

She had no voice
and she felt weak
as he slowly stood up
and got to his feet.

He whispered goodbye
and walked away
She opened her mouth
but had nothing to say.

She turned away,
and started to cry.
Why didn't she say it?
Her last goodbye.

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday,
today you’re fifteen.
I just wanna pretend
Everything’s as it’s always been.

Happy birthday,
it’s too bad you’re not here.
I guess I’ll close my eyes
and pretend you’re near.

Happy birthday,
guess this is my lousy gift.
You’re not even here to get it,
You’re not here to be with.

Happy birthday,
I still wish you’d come back.
I wish you could read this.
But what’re the chances of that?

Still

I still hate the way
you make me laugh.
Never fail at making me smile.
Can’t you stop for a while?

I still hate the way,
your eyes light up.
The way they make me melt.
But you never make your love felt.

I still hate the way,
you talk to me.
I can tell you anything.
And you’d never judge me.

I still hate the way,
you make me love you.
You don’t even try.
I hate that way
that you don’t know.
That you always make me cry.

I still hate the way,
I’m not over you.
I can’t fool myself.
And it hurts so much.
Seeing you with someone else.

I still hate the way,
I just can’t bear to tell you.
You still make me fall for you,
each and every day.
But that’s something
I can never say.

Your Knight

They tell me I'm too weak.
But that can't be the truth.
I want to prove them wrong,
I promise I'll protect you.

I've grown stronger since then,
I won't let you go.
Even if it kills me,
I just need to let you know.

I won't let them hurt you,
I'll stand by your side,
Take my hand,
and I'll be your knight.