I’m tired of being told my passion is useless and that it’s only a
hobby. Because it’s honestly saved my life countless times if only because I
have something to continue living for. I’m tired of constantly having to
understand that I can never explain that to people who would only see that as
ridiculous. It’sbecome extremely tiring just trying to get you to see that
there are other things in life that I think matter. That all the grades and the
money you want isn’t what’s going to make me happy.
I mean, it’s like I don’t even have a right to be who I am. It’s like
you don’t value my individuality. You don’t even want me to become independent
because you think I won’t be able to handle it, and I’m really tired. I want to
make my own mistakes; I want to learn things that I wouldn’t have otherwise
because I got to experience them. I want to learn things so that I can grow as
a person and be somebody. That’s really it, I guess. I’m tired because you
don’t want to teach me anything. You get mad when I make mistakes and don’t
bother explaining things to me properly. You’ll only ever repeat things over
and over, and honestly, sometimes I just get so sick of everything. I'm tired
of you assuming I'm stupid and I don't know anything just because I'm the
youngest, or just because I'm younger than you, or just because I dunno, I
still look like a fucking kid? I'm tired of you being so condescending as if
you understand me perfectly. As if you understand everything so perfectly.
It’s like I can’t even be fucking upset, because if I seem upset you
won’t even ask why. You’ll just get mad that I am because I’m supposed to be
happy.
That’s what pisses me off the most sometimes. Like I’m SUPPOSED to be
happy, and have no other emotion. I’m sorry, but it’s like I get so annoyed
that I feel whiny. Like just because you’ve given me all these material things,
then that was enough.
But you were never there to teach me what I needed to learn. You tell me
you “taught” me math, but really you just shouted at me until I learned to
associate numbers with hatred and anger. All my questions? You were upset that
I even thought to ask questions. Whenever I was sad? You never really bothered
to listen to anything I had to say, you were only ever upset that I even had
any problems to begin with.
That’s the worst part, I guess. That I can’t even say anything to other
grown-ups or other people who have grown old like you. Because to them it was
enough that you provided me with all my basic needs and even spoiled me.
But I didn’t want to be spoiled and pampered and treated like a
materialistic, shallow git who only cares about comfort. I wanted experiences,
and adventure, and my stories which you were never going to be interested in
learning about.
I wanted to live. I wanted to learn how to live.
And I learned all that from so many other sources in my life other than
you. It’s why I love my friends more than you. It’s why I love my art more than
you. It’s why I love my team more than you.
They loved me for me, and they let me know I didn’t have to equate my
worth to numbers. They believed in me, and believed I could be somebody in
life. They believed my story would be far more than just several years of
existing on this planet.
And that is a home worth more than any amount of money you’ve ever tried
to spend on me.
