The Algebra Queen.

There are some things which sometimes, I forget happened. And it takes me a split second to realize that things are never going to happen again.

It's 3 days to what would have been your birthday, and once again I realize I'm not going to get to greet you, just like last year. Up to now, if there's one regret I have, it's that I didn't get to say goodbye to you. In fact, when I heard the news that you were gone I realized that the last time I had talk to you was a couple of months back.

I've no idea why I'm writing this as if I'm talking to you. As if you're ever going to read this again. But I guess it's what I feel gives it a bit of justice. Maybe it just feels like I've never written you anything before, aside from that one time I tried writing a bit of the story of you and that idiot I call my Big Brother, but I didn't even get to finish that one.

You were the first person to really show me just how much people can change. And you were also the first person that really understood what it was like to have a past like mine - a childhood filled with just nothing but disappointment coming from people who were supposed to be proud of me. You put up with me rambling on and on about how I hated how much of my childhood was wasted away, and you told me simply that I could take it back anyway. And to this day, I keep that lesson to heart.

You were always so forgiving, that way. And I could never really entirely comprehend it back then. You laughed about me and my old idiot whenever we had ridiculous fights, and always reminded me that the stubborn git wouldn't have given up one bit. Not really. Even on days or weeks or months where it would felt  like he had, he was too damned determined to have ever really given up on anything.

You two were childhood friends, and that much showed. You were just about as stubborn as him. And you also had his vicious honesty, and I guess I just wanted to thank you for that. For never being afraid of telling me what I needed to hear. I've gotten so tired of people just being nice to me for the sake of being polite or because they're too damn afraid of hurting me or causing "trouble."

Thank you, because you showed me that a little trouble only made things interesting.

To this day, you remain one of the few examples of humanity that give me hope that I've had the fortune of meeting. After all, there aren't many people out there who could have replied to me with a bunch of cancer jokes after I asked her if she was alright. There weren't many people who would have started talking about the wonders of memories after she had just recovered from amnesia, and told me that maybe you never really forget things. I remember how you surprised me by laughing about stupid television couples and sharing youtube links to love songs on the night your parents got divorced. And I remember just wondering to myself how someone as strong as you could have ever come to exist in this world.

And there aren't many people out there who can make you feel like no time had passed at all, even if months had gone by without either of us communicating. You were one of the few people that it felt like time paused for our friendship, instead of creating a distance between us. And most of all, you were one of the few people who through your honesty, and never being afraid of being vocal of my stupidity, would always be supportive of me. Who was always on my side, as long as I knew what I was doing. You were one of the few people that knew how to smile because imperfections existed, how to appreciate life as it happened, and how to never give up on people as long as you could show them that all they needed to do was try.

I'm sorry it took me forever and your lifetime to ever realize just how much you've given me, really. And I'm sorry that I couldn't save him, and that I can't seem to forgive myself for not being able to save him. I know that if you were here you would have gotten mad at me for blaming myself, too.

And on a random note, thank you for helping me with algebra when I started out with it.

It's been a year since you've been gone, and I miss you terribly.

Advanced happy-would-have-been-birthday, Algee.