Fifteen Things

I saw this on theraspberryscribbler's blog. You should check her out, she's awesome. XD But anyway. I'm supposed to write ten things about myself. I just decided to write 15, instead of 10! XD

And I decided to use this blog to...let out some stuff that are REALLY about me. Not just random, trivial facts. I just had the need to be brutally honest with myself.
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1. I'm manipulative.
--I see most people as a means to an end. I don't backstab. But most likely? I probably don't have much loyalty towards you. Most likely, I view you more as a chess piece than a friend. Sometimes, I view people's drama as a fascinating way to observe them, or sometimes I just get plain amusement out of their drama. Strangely? I give writing advice to people by telling them to view their characters as real people living life instead of puppets for a puppet show. I think of my characters in stories as real people. I view most real people as puppets.

2. I only genuinely care about 5 people.
--Interestingly enough, none of those 5 are in my family. But believe me, I love those 5 people to death. Wondering who they are? Too bad, I don't plan on posting that list here. Fine, I care about some of the people who aren't in that list of 5. But I don't know. I only care to an extremely limited extent. Fine, I can care about some people more than a whole lot of other people, but eh.

3. I'm cynical.
--I don't believe in the natural goodness of people. I believe people are disgusting and stupid creatures. I think most people are horrible and don't give a shit about others. When people ask me what's wrong, I take it as a sign of curiosity instead of concern. My experiences have made me believe that.

4. I despise idiots and naive people.
--They sicken me. I can't stand incompetence, either. I also hate shallow people who do nothing but go by their lives, never wondering about anything else except themselves. I hate people who don't talk about anything except things that involve THEM. I want to talk about life, and its mysteries. I want to talk about love and what it means. I wanna talk about whether or not God exists. I want to ask you questions and I want an answer that you actually believe in, or at least an attempt at an answer. I hate it when people go; "Wow, you're too deep, I don't really care." Shut up. If you never wondered about anything else besides your petty little life, I dislike you.

5. My individuality matters to me.
--I need to be who I am. I need people to understand that's important that I remain me, and therefore hate being compared. I also hate being told I should be something.I'm me. If you hate it, I honestly don't give a fuck.

6. I hate people. In general.
--I'm anti-social. Not because I'm shy. But mostly because I either don't give a shit to get to know people or find them far too irritating. Also, as stated, I'm cynical. It'll take me forever and a shit load of thinking before I even CONSIDER putting ANY amount of trust in anyone.

7. I'm far too arrogant for my own good.
--But in all honesty? Most of the time I think my arrogance is justified. But this leads me to having high standards of people. I believe I deserve the best, so I wouldn't settle for anything less than I think I deserve. I'm picky with what writing I like, I'm picky with my friends, and I'm picky when it comes to love. It'll take me months of thinking and considering before I finally admit to myself that I'm in love with someone.

8. I don't know what I want in life. I don't have a goal.
--Not really. But personally, I think those people that care so goddamn much about their grades and talk about how it's the key to success? I find them pathetic. Life is worth so much more than letters on a card claiming to tell you how smart you are. People with pathetic goals that trap them in their own selfish little bubbles of personal gain sicken me.

9. People who don't understand what art is for are idiots.
--Therefore, I hate people who think writing is just a place for them to randomly put big words to impress people. Art should be kept pure for art, and people who write to impress or to make money...are disgusting. Art is important to me. Expressing is important to me. People who make money off of a butchery of an art form annoy me. That's honestly why I hate Twilight so much. Stephenie Meyer got money even though she wrote utter shit, and that left so many amazing writers left behind, because then less people could reach them. Less people could reach other writers' messages.

10. I believe there are two kinds of people in this world-interesting and generic.
--I'm drawn to people with distinct, strong personalities. People who change themselves to please others sicken me. People who only try to be normal are boring. People who don't strive for anything and don't care to know who they are...well, they can go fuck themselves and die in a hole. I also hate those people that can't handle fun, random, and playful conversations. I get hyper, and I can act like a kid. I can say the most random and nonsensical things, and if you can't keep up with me, boo. Yes, I want my friends to be able to talk to me about pirates and ninjas and cookies, then switch back to talk about serious, profound things. I'm like that. What I want from any of the friends I have is to accept it, and just go along with it.

11. It's difficult for me to move on.
--I cling to the past. I live in it, sometimes. It's what made me who I am. Some of the best things about my life are IN the past. I dwell on it when I hate the present. Change terrifies me because of that clinging. Goodbyes terrify me because of that clinging. I hardly ever believe in second chances because of what happened in the past.

12. I hardly ever let anyone in.
--I have multiple facades. Multiple masks. Very few people know who I really am. Because I think some people are too thick in the head to ever understand. That's why I only love people who are as complicated and twisted as me, and who are brave enough to admit they're fucked-up.

13. I dislike my family.
--I've honestly tried to love them. But sometimes they make it so hard. I can manage with my dad and my sister. But God. Sometimes I just wish I had a different mother. She's the reason I hate stupid people, because she's so annoying and thinks she's right even when it's clear she's not. She's one of the reasons I'm so damn proud, because of her lack of pride in me. I don't know. It's hard for me to explain just why I hate her. There are too many.

14. Sometimes I find reasons to hate myself.
--I don't know. Sometimes I honestly just feel like I'm a terrible person. And it makes me wonder how anybody could ever love me. Maybe that's why I'm so cynical. Maybe that's why I hate letting people in. Maybe that's why...when I find someone who DOES care about me, I'm terrified of ever losing them. But at the same time, I refuse to change myself just to know people can love me. I don't know. I'm a contradiction. We all are, aren't we?

15. I love God. Despite all that make me seem like such a bad person.
--The thing is, I just don't believe in organized religion. I love God, for all He is. I don't like the image of God that the Catholic Church is trying to forward. God loves everyone. FOR WHO THEY ARE. And as long as people can genuinely be sorry for intentionally causing pain to others, that's all God NEEDS. I HATE people who paint him out as someone who condemns homosexuality or something. I HATE people who try to shove religion down other people's throats and then preach about forgiveness and understanding. I hate how people can talk about acceptance and then condemn homosexuals and call people of other religions terrorists. Sometimes people use religion as a means for people to control others. Sometimes religion can be just as corrupt as politics. But honestly? It's just personal faith that leads you to become a better person. What's a sin? Being a homosexual? Masturbating? No. For me, sin is just basically anything that causes harm to other people. Does God like that? Fine, He doesn't. Does He hate you for always hurting people? No. And He never will.
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That's it, I guess. :D

I honestly did this...to learn more about myself, I guess. And...I did. In some way.